Triggered To Transformed
Understanding Biblical Honor in Broken Relationships
We live in a world that moves fast. Notifications buzz. Schedules overflow. Opinions fly. And in all of it, we often overlook the people closest to us.
The fifth commandment says, “Honor your father and mother.”
Simple words.
But what does that actually look like when your family story is messy? When there’s distance? When there’s pain? When the relationship isn’t what it should have been?
Let’s talk about it honestly.
What Does It Really Mean to Honor?
Honor Is About Weight, Not Perfection ⚖️
In Hebrew, the word for honor carries the idea of weight. Something heavy. Significant.
To honor someone means you treat them as if they matter. You don’t brush them off. You don’t reduce them to a joke or a footnote in your story.
Honor doesn’t mean they were perfect. It means their role in your life had weight.
They shaped you. For better. For worse. Often both.
Honor says, “Your impact on my life is real, and I won’t pretend it isn’t.”
Honor Doesn’t Mean Pretending Everything Is Fine 🚫
Let’s clear this up right away.
Honor does NOT mean:
Pretending abuse didn’t happen
Ignoring trauma
Staying in harmful situations
Enabling destructive behavior
Keeping silent about sin
Removing healthy boundaries
Sometimes the most honoring thing you can do is tell the truth.
You can’t offer real honor from a heart that’s still bleeding. Healing matters. Boundaries matter. Safety matters.
When Honor Feels Impossible
For some people, “honor your father and mother” brings warm memories.
For others, it brings tension, grief, or anger.
Maybe you grew up in chaos.
Maybe there was neglect.
Maybe Scripture was quoted at you instead of lived out.
God is not asking you to relive trauma. He’s inviting you into freedom.
Sometimes honoring your parents starts with letting God heal what they broke. 💔➡️❤️
Breaking the Cycle of Bitterness 🌱
Pain is real. But bitterness is what happens when pain takes the steering wheel.
It starts shaping how you trust.
How you talk.
How you parent.
How you respond to authority.
Hebrews calls bitterness a poisonous root. And roots grow quietly.
The person who hurt you may not feel it anymore. But if left alone, that root keeps spreading in you.
Honor says, “This pain will not define my future.”
It doesn’t deny the wound. It refuses to let the wound run your life.
How Honor Changes Through the Generations
Honor looks different at different ages.
As Kids 👧👦
Honor often looks like obedience. Listening. Learning. Trusting.
As Teenagers
It might look like respect in tone, even when you disagree. Eye rolls aren’t a spiritual gift.
As Young Adults
It can look like gratitude instead of constant criticism. Realizing your parents were human.
As Adults with Aging Parents 👵👴
Honor may look like staying connected. Offering care. Having hard conversations with dignity.
If You Came from a Painful Home
Honor might mean setting boundaries without hatred. Limiting access without revenge. Keeping your heart free even if the relationship isn’t close.
You don’t obey your parents forever.
But you never outgrow honor.
A Word to Parents (and Grandparents) 👨👩👧👦
This command isn’t just for kids.
Parents, we’re called to live in a way that makes honor easier, not harder.
You can’t demand respect while living without integrity.
You can’t quote Scripture and refuse humility.
Sometimes the most powerful thing a parent can say is,
“I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
That sentence can heal years of distance.
And grandparents? Your influence still carries weight. Your words can either reinforce old wounds or help bring restoration.
The Generational Ripple Effect 🌊
There’s a promise attached to honor: that life will go well and be long.
It’s not a guarantee that nothing bad will happen. It’s a principle.
When honor flows through generations, stability grows.
When bitterness flows through generations, chaos multiplies.
If your parents parented out of unhealed trauma and you choose healing instead of retaliation, you just shifted your family’s future.
That’s powerful.
Sometimes honoring your father and mother looks like saying,
“This trauma stops with me.”
What Breaking the Cycle Can Look Like
It might mean:
Going to counseling
Learning new communication patterns
Apologizing to your own kids
Doing the hard work of healing
Refusing to pass down control, silence, or anger
You can’t rewrite your childhood.
But you can reshape your legacy. ✨
Trauma Is Real. Healing Is Work.
Trauma changes how you see the world. It affects your nervous system, your reactions, your relationships.
Ignoring it doesn’t make you spiritual.
Healing isn’t instant. It takes time. Sometimes it takes uncomfortable honesty.
But facing your pain is not dishonoring your parents.
Refusing to heal dishonors the life God gave you.
Let’s Make This Practical
This week, try three small steps:
1. Check Your Heart ❤️
Is bitterness quietly growing?
Is old pain shaping your reactions?
Healing starts with honesty.
2. Choose One Intentional Act of Honor
Make it specific.
Send a text of gratitude.
Speak respectfully instead of sarcastically.
Tell a balanced story instead of only rehearsing hurt.
It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Just intentional.
3. Decide What Stops With You 🔥
What pattern ends here?
Anger? Silence? Control? Emotional distance?
You may not control what shaped you.
But you do control what flows through you.
Questions to Sit With
What patterns from my childhood am I repeating without realizing it?
Where do I need healing before I can offer genuine honor?
What kind of legacy am I building?
What would it look like to honor someone without pretending everything was perfect?
If you don’t intentionally grow, you’ll instinctively repeat.
Honor isn’t about protecting an image.
It’s about building something steady in a distracted world.
And whether you’re 16 or 76, that work still matters.
(New Living Translation Bible, 1996)
(New King James Version, 1975)